★ BODY AND APPEARANCE 1. Describe the character's height and build. Is she heavyset, thin, short, rangy? Rowena is 5'2 and slight in build, someone who is very unassuming and would not at all look like a threat. Though she looks healthy she's not athletic, nor toned, just in shape enough for when she needs to be.
2. How old is she? Over 300.
3. Describe her posture. Does she carry himself well or does she slouch? Despite her height, Rowena carries herself with someone of much taller energy, making herself noticed when needed and drawing attention to her, straight-backed and graceful around any room.
4. How is her health? Is she fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities? For someone who's died twice, she's in excellent health. Her witch immortality grants her immunity to ageing and disease, she's fit enough for when she needs to run (just not athletic) and has no conditions or disabilities.
5. How does she move? Is she clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid? Rowena is very fluid in movement, floating like a dancer might and incredibly graceful in all that she touches or does.
6. How attractive is this character physically? How does she perceive himself in the mirror? Rowena is attractive and whilst she doesn't emphasise sex appeal specifically she knows that she's attractive, styling herself for herself. Her makeup is dramatic in her eyeshadow, her hair tamed and her dress more modern the more she wishes to fit in. When Rowena wants to be noticed she'll dress well and draw them in with her words.
7. Describe her complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred? Rowena has very pale, clear skin, someone who would easily burn in the sun. Her only scar is on her right thigh.
8. Describe her hair: color, texture, style. Rowena has long red hair, naturally curly that tends to be more wild, though she often wears it in tamer curls, occasionally straightening it.
9. What color are her eyes? Hazel
10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features? Her eyes glow purple when she performs magic.
12. What is the character's wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does she have six of the same suit? Rowena dresses in bold, solid colours, featuring a lot of black, blue and red in her wardrobe. She favours floor-length long-sleeved dresses (more like ballgowns) or, when blending in will wear a simple blouse with either a long skirt or wide-legged pants. Staple to every outfit is the high heels she wears (~5 inches).
13. Do her clothes fit well? Does she seem comfortable in them? Rowena is very comfortable in them, able to walk and move despite the dresses or her heels. She always looks extravagant even in something simple.
14. Does she dress the same on the job as she does in her free time? If not, what are the differences? Rowena has never worked a day in her life so all of her outfits are "free time". She dresses for herself and no one else.
15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando? Briefs and a matching bra, likely black, likely with some lace or detailing.
★ SPEECH 1. What does this character's voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse? Rowena speaks with a Scottish accent, though her pitch fluctuates a little depending on how she speaks, pitching higher when she's angrier, stunned or shouting.
2. How does she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does she talk easily, or does she hesitate? She is very clear in her speech, using an average volume (and knowing how to fill a room) though she very easily knows how to be loud. She speaks with confidence, even when she is less certain about the topic.
3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics? She has a Scottish accent that will become thicker when she is more annoyed or on certain emphasis, often peppered with Scottish slang.
4. What language/s does she speak, and with how much fluency? Rowena knows many languages through her study of magic. She is fluent in Polish due to spending time there, Latin, Gaelic (Irish, Scottish and Old Irish). She can also cast spells in languages that she is not fluent in, such as Enochian and Sumerian.
5. Does she switch languages or dialects in certain situations? Rowena will speak primarily in English unless speaking to someone who is speaking another language. Little bits of Scottish "slang" (dialect) sometimes pepper into her speech.
6. Is she a good impromptu speaker, or does she have to think about her words? Rowena can bullshit with the best of them, though will sometimes purposely draw out sentences to give herself chance to think.
7. Is she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change? Rowena is very eloquent, used to manipulating people so used to being able to think on the spot. This only changes when she's too stunned to form words.
★ MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL 1. How intelligent is this character? Is she book-smart or street-smart? Rowena is a mixture of street-smart and book-smart, growing up with street-smarts and choosing to lean into books. Formal education wasn't available to her in childhood and it wasn't until Rowena began studying to become a witch did she have education outside of what her parents knew or that she could pick up in her village. However, Rowena heavily applied herself to her magical studies (talented and ambitious) and has spent her 300 years since learning as much as she can, and learning about the world as she goes. Now, she can pass as a well-educated, upper-class woman, someone who is not technologically minded but intelligent, worldly and classy. A far cry from the tanner's daughter she began as.
2. Does she think on her feet, or does she need time to deliberate? Whilst Rowena would prefer having time to make a plan she has become very used to situations making her think on her feet and can act quickly in the moment.
3. Describe the character's thought process. Is she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical? Ideally: she would claim to be logical and practical. Truthfully: she is very idealistic and intuitive. Rowena has spent her life seeking power and is heavily ambitious and whilst more recently she has re-evaluated her life in terms of what makes her happy she is still very impulsive and idealistic, not having the best ideas about getting what she wants. She's still figuring it out.
4. What kind of education has the character had? Rowena is self-taught in both her magic and her world knowledge, spending much of her years both experiencing the world and reading, practising her magic and (where she could) learning from others.
5. What are her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is she interested in learning more about? Rowena is a highly skilled witch, though with this comes a high level of botanical knowledge, herbalism, alchemy and some biology. Chemistry would be an interest (and skill) for her if she chose to step sideways towards the sciences.
6. Is she an introvert or an extrovert? She's very flexible about it. Rowena is used to her own company after her life experiences and has gotten comfortable with it, not always knowing the most appropriate social things. But at her heart, Rowena craves attention and affection, enjoying spending time with and around others even if she sits quieter to the side rather than being the life of the party.
7. Describe the character's temperament. Is she even-tempered or does she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven? She's typically quite cheerful and though she gives off a very casual, laid-back air is also very driven at her core to grasp the things that are important to her. She's quite even-tempered but is also quick to anger (and you don't anger a Scotswoman).
8. How does she respond to new people or situations? Is she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic? It depends on how she meets them. Socially, she can be quite relaxed and warm to them, though she's quite a suspicious person due to past experience, even if she doesn't actively do or say anything about it.
9. Is she more likely to act, or to react? It's situation-dependent. If it's something she wants she'll act, if it's just come up she'll react. And quickly.
10. Which is her default: fight or flight? Flight. She will immobilise with magic if necessary before getting the heck out of there. She'll only fight if she can beat it and needs to.
11. Describe the character's sense of humor. Does she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks? Rowena can often be the one to make inappropriate jokes, though she'll also roll her eyes at them if she's not in the mood for them (or it's poor to her humour). She is more likely to be disapproving of pranks (at herself) but would encourage them towards others.
12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does she deal with them? Somehow... no. "Evil skank" is a condition of circumstance rather than a mental disorder.
13. What moments in this character's life have defined her as a person? All of Rowena's early life. She grew up poor, she was abandoned by the father of her child, she was further rejected by her coven and tossed aside by other witches. These experiences taught Rowena that no one will care about her, that she can only look out for herself and that love makes her weak when she needs to be strong. It took centuries before she learned more positive affections and has been able to look out for other people and trust that they will help her, even if she can't yet be vulnerable or too affectionate.
14. What does she fear? Lucifer. Fire.
15. What are her hopes or aspirations? She no longer knows. Rowena used to crave and seek power but it's now less important to her, knowing that power alone won't bring her happiness. Rowena is still looking for what will make her happy but until then she'd just like to feel safe and secure.
16. What is something she doesn't want anyone to find out about her? Rowena is very frank about her experiences but speaks very little of her time before becoming a witch. She likely wouldn't be as pleased with people knowing her early history of being the tanner's daughter or of her life when she was poor and struggling.
★ RELATIONSHIPS 1. Describe this character's relationship with her parents. Rowena likely had a good relationship with her parents. They were peasants who grew up poor, so her life choices in getting pregnant likely didn't scupper any plans for them. Rowena knows that they're long-dead, never seeing them again after she had to flee Scotland.
2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like? She is an only child!
3. Are there other blood relatives to whom she is close? Are there ones she can't stand? Rowena had a son and a grandson, both of whom are now dead. It took until her son's death for Rowena to admit that she did love him and regret her relationship with him. She very quickly showed affection towards her grandson, though it was a short-lived relationship and she's upset by the fact that she didn't get to know him or spend much time with him.
4. Are there other, unrelated people whom she considers part of her family? What are her relationships with them? Rowena was very attached to a young boy named Oskar, someone who reminded her of the son she'd abandoned and who she grew to love, healing him of his illness and granting him immortality, not able to see him die (and grateful to his family). After Rowena left Poland she never saw him again until Crowley brought him to her: to kill. This was heartbreaking to her even though Rowena did it, something she hasn't gotten over.
5. Who is/was the character's best friend? How did they meet? Though she wouldn't use the words Sam Winchester would be described as Rowena's closest friend. They met after the Winchesters tracked her down (to kill her) over her actions, with Sam making the first move towards friendship with her: asking for her help. His calm manner and ease of conversation with her helped their banter grow into friendship, especially after he understood her trauma.
6. Does she have other close friends? She might not describe them as close friends but she is on friendly terms with Dean and Castiel and is fond of both of them.
7. Does she make friends easily, or does she have trouble getting along with people? Rowena has trouble getting along with people, mostly due to her ambitious nature and past, and people's suspicions of her. Remove that away (and find her at an honest moment) and she can be warm and caring, someone with a good sense of humour and interesting conversation.
8. Which does she consider more important: family or friends? Family, though it took Rowena centuries to ever admit it.
9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has she been married more than once? She is single and though she has been engaged (a loveless relationship) she has never been married.
10. Is she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse? No, just having a lot of very good sex. Her last lot of relationships were not especially romantic on Rowena's part either.
11. Who was her first crush? Who is her latest? The first person she loved was the father of her child, a Scotsman above her social class. Her latest crush was on Gabriel, the archangel (but a fleeting crush for sex, nothing more).
12. What does she look for in a romantic partner? Money, good looks, someone she'll outlive, though this is more her swindling money from rich people than true happiness. If Rowena did look for love: someone who made her feel safe and respected, who made her smile and treated her like a goddess. Good looks and excellent sex are also desirable perks but not as essential.
13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does she relate to them? If no, does she want any? Rowena has one son (Fergus) and a grandson (Gavin). Rowena was admittedly a terrible nothing and couldn't admit to herself (or Fergus) that she loved him until after he'd died, too afraid to love him because of how his father had treated her.
14. Does she have any rivals or enemies? So many witches and supernatural beings. Also Lucifer.
15. What is the character's sexual orientation? Where does she fall on the Kinsey scale? Rowena is positively pansexual (and somewhat of a monster fucker). Good banter is the best way to her pants, a little sexual attraction and good looks doesn't hurt.
16. How does she feel about sex? How important is it to her? She enjoys it but the frequency she has it is debatable. The crowd she keeps isn't one she'd seek sex from too often, though with her fake relationship partners she will still have sex with them (and just not enjoy it). Good sex is much better and would make her go back for more if she liked the person enough.
17. What are her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits? Turn-ons: being treated like a goddess. Turn-offs: boring, rude, cruel, making her sub.
★ BELIEFS 1. Do you know your character's astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does she fit type? Rowena is so Gemini-coded it's painful.
2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in her life? She is proudly pagan, serving magic and nature and no god. Magic is incredibly important to her, as is keeping a balance in nature -- she doesn't want to affect her magic by pissing off nature.
3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it? She is still learning those with her redemption but she won't harm someone if they haven't done anything to warrant it.
4. How does she regard beliefs that differ from hers? Is she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent? Rowena will not stand people who would harm innocents, though in the past has made devil's bargains with those of different beliefs when the circumstances called for it.
5. What prejudices does she hold? Are they irrational or does she have a good reason for them? She is not a fan of demons or many types of monsters, finding them unpleasant aspects of the supernatural world. Though she is a witch she tries to stay away from supernatural things -- it's pain and trouble.
★ DAILY LIFE 1. What is the character's financial situation? Is she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt? Rowena has tucked enough money away (somehow) to make herself very comfortable. Really, she doesn't worry about money and some of this might be magic-comfort or she used magic to get money. Either way she's comfortable and it's good considering she has expensive tastes. Gotta look great in this world.
2. What is her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected her? It has changed considerably over time, going from a peasant to a respectable, high-class lady. At least someone that appears it in how she dresses and carries herself, though Rowena has managed to get into the lives of several rich or famous people. Whilst she's not with them all the time it helps her move through the world.
3. Where does she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is her home her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does she share it with others? Rowena has an apartment in Aradia Apartments. It is very nice, decorated to everything a modern witch would need complete with secret rooms and a hex on it for trespassers. She lives alone and keeps it clean and tidy.
4. Besides the basic necessities, what does she spend her money on? Witch supplies for her spells, clothes and heels, alcohol (wine and scotch) and books.
5. What does she do for a living? Is she good at it? Does she enjoy it, or would she rather be doing something else? Rowena has no job, it's not the life for her. She is a witch and is very skilled and talented at it -- it's the only thing she wishes to do in life.
6. What are her interests or hobbies? How does she spend her free time? Reading, spellwork, playing poker, dancing, fine dining, swindling people of their money.
7. What are her eating habits? Does she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods? Rowena eats very well at fancy restaurants. She does not (and maybe cannot) cook and likely only has takeout if the Winchesters order some. She's a fan of wine and scotch, though some other drinks could substitute. She would only skip meals if she were in the middle of a time-consuming spell/thing and didn't have the opportunity to eat.
Rowena was around 16 when she fell pregnant and had her son, Fergus Roderick MacLeod, who came from an affair that Rowena had with a wealthy married man. She'd grown up in (likely) rural Scotland, a tanner's daughter, and due to the poverty that she'd grown up in noted that her parents were absent (or likely dead). She was poor, had no prospects, and no income from the father of her child (minus anything he may have given to her). What Rowena did have? The home she'd grown up in and some land for animals (or a farm she worked on).
Pregnancy and childbirth were always going to be complicated: a single woman with an illegitimate child? To Rowena it hadn't mattered: she was in love. The father of her child was likely the first man that she'd loved and had also told her that he loved her. Except he wasn't so kind or truthful, leaving Rowena to return to his wife as she gave birth. It was already a traumatic birth for her, Rowena describing herself as being half-dead during it, thighs slick with blood, and then she was left alone with her baby, an act that was so devastating to her that it influenced how she treated her son.
Rowena wanted to love her child, this was her baby and despite being alone she should love him, but all Rowena could see as she looked at her son was an image of the man who had betrayed her. She'd been in love, had her heart crushed and it was a feeling unlike anything she'd felt before. Her mental health was tragic at this point in her life, devastated when she should be happy, struggling due to her poverty and in the 17th century there was no term or help for her. She was alone: no parents, likely no social circle, no partner.
Being a terrible mother wasn't strictly out of choice but out of her emotional struggle: she wasn't physically abusive to her son but emotionally neglectful and distant, enough to the point that he grew up believing that his mother didn't love him. (She did but at that point in her life she couldn't allow herself to feel it or show it, needing to hate his father to steel herself and build herself back up). Love to Rowena had let her become broken at her weakest point and she wouldn't let herself feel that pain again: and that pain came from love (and betrayal).
Even though Rowena wasn't emotionally available for Fergus she was physically present (in his early childhood) and there were some fond memories that she had of their life together, even if he couldn't remember them (due to his own pain). She sang him lullabies, taught him about the animals she kept, took him with her when she went into town and, when Rowena began learning about magic, taught him aspects of magic. Despite how poor they were he also grew up healthy and fed, and she attempted to clothe him.
Rowena's foray into magic ended up being the start of trouble for them. Fergus was eight when she was forced out of Scotland, chased out during the Witch Trials and though she survived she left Fergus behind. It was both a poor choice moment of Rowena's but also an attempt at something better for him: she was left alone, had nowhere to sleep and her health and condition were incredibly poor at that time (described by Catriona Loughlin as a rag doll, flea-bitten and dirty) which was not something a child should go through. When Rowena left Scotland she left Fergus in a workhouse, a marginally better environment than her own. The poor choice from her is that she never returned for him, though it also took decades for Rowena to get herself onto her feet again.
Whilst Rowena never went back of him it is noted that she did keep tabs on him, having heard of his death after it had happened. Unfortunately, they weren't close enough tabs to ever then know of her grandson (or that might have influenced her actions) but despite her complicated feelings for her son she had been saddened by his death then.
When Rowena and Fergus reunite it's centuries later, Fergus having sold his soul to a demon before dying and later rising up to becoming King of Hell. When Rowena first meets him again she doesn't react motherly at all, trying to manipulate him for her own gains due to the power that he holds and wanting to have a place where she can feel secure. Whilst neither trusts the other, Rowena does (in a strange way) attempt to bond with Fergus and does act in a way that she genuinely believes is in his best interests: after her experiences with the Men of Letters she finds the Winchesters (hunters) threatening to both herself and Fergus, tries to help him keep a strong hand over Hell to ensure his rule and tries to reminisce and spend time with him. It's heavily layered in her manipulations but Rowena has never known how to be a mother and after spending centuries on the run has never felt settled, safe or been able to build many good social connections.
Their lack of trust means that he doesn't appreciate her efforts, Rowena ends up going too far in her efforts and both of them spend a chunk of the next few months trying to kill each other. But life keeps throwing them back into each other's lives and they do start to form a bond, particularly after Fergus gets an honest story out of Rowena due to using a Witchcatcher on her, forcing her to tell the truth about why she hates him (see above) and learning of some of her trauma and struggles in the process. It's not an easy story for either of them but it does give them both a moment of clarity and even footing, and being forced to work together with the Winchesters helps them to develop a little bit of caring for the other. When Rowena is killed by Lucifer (the first time) he seems to be visibly moved by it (and afraid of Lucifer) and later shows a slightly more caring hand towards her.
And then Rowena learns that she has a grandson. This is something that she's thrilled about, incredibly nervous but is excited to meet him and spend some time with him. The two talk a little about her early life, Gavin curious about his father when he was younger, and Rowena is honest with him, though there's clear guilt to her actions and what had happened during that period of her life (guilt and embarrassment).
Sadly, due to horrible circumstances, Rowena barely gets a chance to know him. Gavin had been brought through time years previously and to help restore the timeline he'd needed to be sent back, something that Rowena helped with. This was something that Fergus was abjectly against, refusing to let his son die when they had a new chance together and thus had a lot of scorn for Rowena for her help in sending Gavin back in time. Though, whilst Rowena had agreed to help it upset her, knowing that she had a grandson that she'd never met, mourning for the family she didn't have. When Fergus confronts her about it she responds to his scorn with her own unkindness, claiming that she'd done it to hurt him (given how he'd hurt her by "forcing" her to kill Oskar, a young boy she'd loved like a son), but her words are too emotional to be true, trying to hurt him to deflect from her own pain (so no one can see her weakness).
Rowena's emotions kick to a new level when she learns that Fergus has died (his final death) and whilst Rowena describes this as an unexpected reaction it's her finally feeling all of the emotion for her son that she'd bottled away for centuries: how much she'd loved him, the guilt that her choices and actions caused on his life and wishing that she could have done so much differently to give him a different life (where he didn't sell his soul to a demon or drink himself to death). It also makes Rowena go a little wild in her actions, unable to resurrect him herself (he was a demon), she tries to call Death out to get her son back, showing the lengths that she will go to for her family (and how much she truly did care).
Rowena was born in Scotland in the 17th century, a tanner's daughter, incredibly poor and someone with few prospects. Her parents were very absent when she was young, needing to work due to their monetary situation (and potentially dying young from health and conditions) and Rowena ended up finding love in the first man who made her happy. And then quickly devastated by the same man, a man who claimed to love her but abandoned her as she gave birth to their son. This was the first heartbreak that Rowena had known in her life and became a pivotal moment for her: she was not someone to love, men were cruel and she would be abandoned.
Not satisfied by her circumstances, wanting more of her life and needing something to protect herself with, Rowena began learning about witchcraft and magic. She was naturally talented at it, a natural witch and her efforts became noticed in the village she lived in by the townsfolk. And hunters: the British Men of Letters. Scotland wasn't safe for witches at that time, many women (and witches) that Rowena knew were burned alive, with Rowena only avoiding that due to being chased out of Scotland. This was her second tragedy: needing to feel safe had led to the loss of so much.
Alone and with nothing to her, Rowena travelled Europe in search of somewhere to rest, to find safety and to learn more about magic. She'd heard of a family of witches, very powerful witches and made her way to find them, though Rowena was very quickly rejected by them, refused any attention and was turned away. Rowena, finding her way to Italy, found a mentor in a Milanese witch who gave her refuge and the Grand Coven. Though they were judgemental of Rowena for having had a child with a non-magical person, they permitted her entry to the coven based on her great talent. However, they would later banish her from the coven, binding her magic due to believing her to be reckless and too wild for them, uncontrollable. These were her third and fourth betrayals which only further reinforced the idea that Rowena was unlovable and undesirable and that the only person she could count on was herself, that no one else would be in her corner.
But they were wrong, misjudging the woman who was before her, who had been shaped by the betrayals and fear that she'd known in her life. Rowena had turned to magic initially to give herself something more in her life, to be safe and secure, to be able to protect herself and to not feel weak as she had when she'd been rejected by the father of her child. Since then Rowena had only sought to strengthen her knowledge of magic, to learn, to be part of witch society, particularly with the coven. She wanted to learn, apt at magic, to grow the one thing in her life that she felt good at. And to continue feeling safe with a home, with a family, with a piece of stability in her life.
But she was alone again.
Until she finally found kindness. A Polish family took pity on Rowena, granting her safety in their home, a place to rest for a time. This kindness was the first thing that Rowena had felt in a very long time and it allowed her to heal a little, spending time cared for by them and helping them in return. They had a son, an 8-year-old who reminded her dearly of the child that she'd abandoned, however he was terminally ill. In gratitude to the family for helping her she healed his illness, bestowing immortality upon him before leaving them, rested, and a little healed.
However, Rowena didn't leave so willingly. After being banished, Rowena had to keep moving, unable to settle anywhere for too long: she was on the run from the Grand Coven, forbidden by them to use magic but not actually listening to that rule. So she kept moving, looking over her shoulder for the next few centuries, and becoming incredibly guarded. Though Rowena did settle for a time across the world, living in London and America (amongst other places) she never had anywhere she could stay for long, unable to really make a life for herself. So Rowena did what she could, finding ways to make money for the pieces of life that she could carve out before she had to run again.
But constantly being on the run, constantly looking over her shoulder and guarding herself made Rowena colder and harsher. She used her magic for herself, getting what she needed in the moment and though she never intentionally set out to hurt anyone she used her magic even knowing that there would be consequences, that some of her spells would kill people. But she justified it: she was looking out for herself no matter what. To others it made Rowena appear to be evil being so cold and uncaring, but it would be something that Rowena pushed the regret down as. Who would look out for her if she didn't? And why should she care for others when no one cared for her? So she embraced what people said, choosing not to argue against it. No one would listen anyway.
But there was always one thing missing from her life: happiness. And, after finding her son and being dragged into supernatural events (regrets!) a second: security. The desire to feel safe ends up leading Rowena to make some very terrible choices. Rowena knows that power means safety, it's what she's built her thinking on (and her own power) which is why she first tries to manipulate her son (to have the power and security of the King of Hell behind her) but after being rejected by him she sets her sights higher: Lucifer. After Lucifer comes to her in a dream she betrays the Winchesters plan to try and free Lucifer, succeeding in doing so. Except he's as self-serving as she's been, killing her for her efforts (so that she can never imprison him back in the cafe). However, Rowena's life has taught her to be one step ahead, teaching her how to survive and death doesn't stop her: not with the resurrection seal within her body.
Scared from her death and wanting nothing to do with anything supernatural, Rowena had tried to build herself a normal life. She was no longer afraid of the coven, letting herself settle and though she'd built up some money over the years it wasn't enough to feel secure. So she did what any normal woman would: try and find love. Although Rowena's hopes of love weren't real, the money and security that having someone in her life could offer her was really what she sought, looking for an easier life and trying to capture the feeling that she'd never had.
Not that Rowena would get her wish, dragged into more supernatural events, killed again and back at the beginning. Afraid. Weak. But also determined. Though Rowena had been seeking for years to try and remove the seal on her magic, to unleash her full power, it wasn't until again encountering the Loughlin family that Rowena found a way to do so. Whilst it hadn't been as pressing to break the spell it had always been a thought in her mind but now? Dying, the torture that Lucifer had put her through and the terror that she now felt were the push to seek more power: for protection, to feel safe, to never feel helpless again.
Whilst Rowena did manage to complete this, and it did make her feel safe (for the first time in a very long time) her life still lacked something: happiness.
It had been a long time since Rowena had thought about that for herself, but due to getting involved with the Winchesters, it had been something that had started cropping up more and more. And she couldn't help but now feel lost. Rowena had always sought power to feel safe, finding happiness in it, but after meeting God and his sister and finding them (the two most powerful beings in the universe) struggling with the same sibling issues that mortals did, it made her wonder what she'd spent her life doing.
The Winchesters also managed to confuse this. Originally, whenever they'd called Rowena had made a bargain with them, neither side trusting the other and Rowena trying to get something out of it for her benefit. After meeting God? Those bargains stopped. Rowena slowly began to realise that the Winchesters were not as terrible as other hunters she'd known, that they were looking out for the good of the world, and subconsciously it encouraged her to do the same. She offered help when they asked without asking for something in return. And every time they asked they got to know her a little better, she got to know them a little better and a fondness started to grow.
Particularly for Sam Winchester, though Rowena wouldn't realise how long that fondness had been growing.
Sam had first asked Rowena for help when they were "mortal enemies" and this was new to Rowena, feeling useful, being desired for her magic, being needed. Though she'd bargained then and not realised that this feeling was what brought her happiness it was also what made her more willing to help every time they asked: she didn't need a bargain to get something because doing the right thing did something, it brought her contentment, it served well for her life and it slowly built friendships and security. She didn't need to fear hunters if she helped them, the world would be safer and she would be safer.
Though Rowena still had many regrets in her life, and many things to learn, finally feeling wanted and needed in her life ended up bringing her more happiness and security than she'd thought she could ever obtain. It gave her the thing she'd always desired in life.
If only someone had tried that centuries ago. She'd have lived a very different life, knowing kindness and being kinder.
Scottish Gaelic (Gàidhlig) is said to have originated from Ireland in the 7th century, where in the Highlands it developed into Gàidhlig rather than Pictish in other parts of Scotland (predominantly Alba). By the 11th century, most of Scotland spoke Gàidhlig and Pictish had been lost to time, whilst south-eastern Scotland instead spoke Cumbric (shifting to Old English). After the 12th century all of Scotland spoke Gàidhlig.
( interesting fact: the gàidhlig for scotland is alba )
Due to one of the Kings of Scotland marrying an Englishwoman (who did not learn Gàidhlig) in the 12th century, there was a decline in Scottish tradition and naming within the Scottish court, particularly in southern Scotland. With more English travelling to Scotland, Inglis became more commonly spoken (the language of the merchant class) and in the Lowlands, Gàidhlig became more of a rural language with English being more spread. In northern and western Scotland, Gàidhlig was still predominantly spoken and a cultural norm, particularly at court.
By the 15th century, Gàidhlig was no longer the predominant language in most of Scotland, having mostly disappeared from the Lowlands by the mid-14th century. Scots (English in Scottish form) became the official government language. Whilst Gàidhlig had become a rural language in the Lowlands, by the 18th century even that was lost and Gàidhlig was no longer spoken.
However, whilst Gàidhlig was all but lost in the Lowlands, the Highlands retained its use of the language. It was a difficult time (with those who wrote or spoke in Gàidhlig persecuted under laws for not using English), and whilst English did become more widespread in the Highlands (during the 17th and 18th centuries), Gàidhlig still remained (in regions known as a Gaidhealtachd). Many Scots became bilingual: speaking Gàidhlig at home and rough English to trade, and whilst for many English ended up becoming predominantly spoken over Gàidhlig, in the Gaidhealtachds Gàidhlig was still the native tongue.
MacLeod comes from the Gàidhlig name Mac Leòid, which means "son of Leòid". MacLeod is the name of a major Scottish clan, associated with the Hebrides, particularly the Isle of Skye (with descendants claiming Harris and Dunvegan).
The Isle of Skye (An t-Eilean Sgitheanach) is the largest Scottish island off the northwest coast of Scotland. Clan MacLeod was one of the more powerful clans on the Island in the post-Norse period (~13th century).
( interesting fact: clann in gàidhlig means family, offspring, etc. so clann mhic leòid means the descendents of the son of leòid )
After centuries of warring between the clans, in the 17th century, clan MacLeod had been defeated in Skye, and the King met with the Chiefs to discuss the future of ruling the Isles. They disagreed, the Chiefs were imprisoned, and it was messy.
Harris and Dunvegan were part of the Highlands of Scotlands.
Rowena as a name has two potential origins: Old English or Welsh. The Old English etymology makes the name up of row (fame) and joy (happiness), whilst in Welsh it's a derivative of the name Rhonwen (connected to the word for horsehair).
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★ DETAILED PROFILE
no subject
1. Describe the character's height and build. Is she heavyset, thin, short, rangy?
Rowena is 5'2 and slight in build, someone who is very unassuming and would not at all look like a threat. Though she looks healthy she's not athletic, nor toned, just in shape enough for when she needs to be.
2. How old is she?
Over 300.
3. Describe her posture. Does she carry himself well or does she slouch?
Despite her height, Rowena carries herself with someone of much taller energy, making herself noticed when needed and drawing attention to her, straight-backed and graceful around any room.
4. How is her health? Is she fit or out of shape? Any illnesses or conditions? Any physical disabilities?
For someone who's died twice, she's in excellent health. Her witch immortality grants her immunity to ageing and disease, she's fit enough for when she needs to run (just not athletic) and has no conditions or disabilities.
5. How does she move? Is she clumsy, graceful, tense, fluid?
Rowena is very fluid in movement, floating like a dancer might and incredibly graceful in all that she touches or does.
6. How attractive is this character physically? How does she perceive himself in the mirror?
Rowena is attractive and whilst she doesn't emphasise sex appeal specifically she knows that she's attractive, styling herself for herself. Her makeup is dramatic in her eyeshadow, her hair tamed and her dress more modern the more she wishes to fit in. When Rowena wants to be noticed she'll dress well and draw them in with her words.
7. Describe her complexion. Dark, light, clear, scarred?
Rowena has very pale, clear skin, someone who would easily burn in the sun. Her only scar is on her right thigh.
8. Describe her hair: color, texture, style.
Rowena has long red hair, naturally curly that tends to be more wild, though she often wears it in tamer curls, occasionally straightening it.
9. What color are her eyes?
Hazel
10. Does the character have any other noteworthy features?
Her eyes glow purple when she performs magic.
12. What is the character's wardrobe like? Casual, dressy, utilitarian? Bright colors, pastels, neutrals? Is it varied, or does she have six of the same suit?
Rowena dresses in bold, solid colours, featuring a lot of black, blue and red in her wardrobe. She favours floor-length long-sleeved dresses (more like ballgowns) or, when blending in will wear a simple blouse with either a long skirt or wide-legged pants. Staple to every outfit is the high heels she wears (~5 inches).
13. Do her clothes fit well? Does she seem comfortable in them?
Rowena is very comfortable in them, able to walk and move despite the dresses or her heels. She always looks extravagant even in something simple.
14. Does she dress the same on the job as she does in her free time? If not, what are the differences?
Rowena has never worked a day in her life so all of her outfits are "free time". She dresses for herself and no one else.
15. You knew it was coming: Boxers, briefs or commando?
Briefs and a matching bra, likely black, likely with some lace or detailing.
no subject
1. What does this character's voice sound like? High-pitched, deep, hoarse?
Rowena speaks with a Scottish accent, though her pitch fluctuates a little depending on how she speaks, pitching higher when she's angrier, stunned or shouting.
2. How does she normally speak? Loud, soft, fast, evenly? Does she talk easily, or does she hesitate?
She is very clear in her speech, using an average volume (and knowing how to fill a room) though she very easily knows how to be loud. She speaks with confidence, even when she is less certain about the topic.
3. Does the character have a distinct accent or dialect? Any individual quirks of pronunciation? Any, like, you know, verbal tics?
She has a Scottish accent that will become thicker when she is more annoyed or on certain emphasis, often peppered with Scottish slang.
4. What language/s does she speak, and with how much fluency?
Rowena knows many languages through her study of magic. She is fluent in Polish due to spending time there, Latin, Gaelic (Irish, Scottish and Old Irish). She can also cast spells in languages that she is not fluent in, such as Enochian and Sumerian.
5. Does she switch languages or dialects in certain situations?
Rowena will speak primarily in English unless speaking to someone who is speaking another language. Little bits of Scottish "slang" (dialect) sometimes pepper into her speech.
6. Is she a good impromptu speaker, or does she have to think about her words?
Rowena can bullshit with the best of them, though will sometimes purposely draw out sentences to give herself chance to think.
7. Is she eloquent or inarticulate? Under what circumstances might this change?
Rowena is very eloquent, used to manipulating people so used to being able to think on the spot. This only changes when she's too stunned to form words.
no subject
1. How intelligent is this character? Is she book-smart or street-smart?
Rowena is a mixture of street-smart and book-smart, growing up with street-smarts and choosing to lean into books. Formal education wasn't available to her in childhood and it wasn't until Rowena began studying to become a witch did she have education outside of what her parents knew or that she could pick up in her village. However, Rowena heavily applied herself to her magical studies (talented and ambitious) and has spent her 300 years since learning as much as she can, and learning about the world as she goes. Now, she can pass as a well-educated, upper-class woman, someone who is not technologically minded but intelligent, worldly and classy. A far cry from the tanner's daughter she began as.
2. Does she think on her feet, or does she need time to deliberate?
Whilst Rowena would prefer having time to make a plan she has become very used to situations making her think on her feet and can act quickly in the moment.
3. Describe the character's thought process. Is she more logical, or more intuitive? Idealistic or practical?
Ideally: she would claim to be logical and practical. Truthfully: she is very idealistic and intuitive. Rowena has spent her life seeking power and is heavily ambitious and whilst more recently she has re-evaluated her life in terms of what makes her happy she is still very impulsive and idealistic, not having the best ideas about getting what she wants. She's still figuring it out.
4. What kind of education has the character had?
Rowena is self-taught in both her magic and her world knowledge, spending much of her years both experiencing the world and reading, practising her magic and (where she could) learning from others.
5. What are her areas of expertise? What, if anything, is she interested in learning more about?
Rowena is a highly skilled witch, though with this comes a high level of botanical knowledge, herbalism, alchemy and some biology. Chemistry would be an interest (and skill) for her if she chose to step sideways towards the sciences.
6. Is she an introvert or an extrovert?
She's very flexible about it. Rowena is used to her own company after her life experiences and has gotten comfortable with it, not always knowing the most appropriate social things. But at her heart, Rowena craves attention and affection, enjoying spending time with and around others even if she sits quieter to the side rather than being the life of the party.
7. Describe the character's temperament. Is she even-tempered or does she have mood swings? Cheerful or melancholy? Laid-back or driven?
She's typically quite cheerful and though she gives off a very casual, laid-back air is also very driven at her core to grasp the things that are important to her. She's quite even-tempered but is also quick to anger (and you don't anger a Scotswoman).
8. How does she respond to new people or situations? Is she suspicious, relaxed, timid, enthusiastic?
It depends on how she meets them. Socially, she can be quite relaxed and warm to them, though she's quite a suspicious person due to past experience, even if she doesn't actively do or say anything about it.
9. Is she more likely to act, or to react?
It's situation-dependent. If it's something she wants she'll act, if it's just come up she'll react. And quickly.
10. Which is her default: fight or flight?
Flight. She will immobilise with magic if necessary before getting the heck out of there. She'll only fight if she can beat it and needs to.
11. Describe the character's sense of humor. Does she appreciate jokes? Puns? Gallows humor? Bathroom humor? Pranks?
Rowena can often be the one to make inappropriate jokes, though she'll also roll her eyes at them if she's not in the mood for them (or it's poor to her humour). She is more likely to be disapproving of pranks (at herself) but would encourage them towards others.
12. Does the character have any diagnosable mental disorders? If yes, how does she deal with them?
Somehow... no. "Evil skank" is a condition of circumstance rather than a mental disorder.
13. What moments in this character's life have defined her as a person?
All of Rowena's early life. She grew up poor, she was abandoned by the father of her child, she was further rejected by her coven and tossed aside by other witches. These experiences taught Rowena that no one will care about her, that she can only look out for herself and that love makes her weak when she needs to be strong. It took centuries before she learned more positive affections and has been able to look out for other people and trust that they will help her, even if she can't yet be vulnerable or too affectionate.
14. What does she fear?
Lucifer. Fire.
15. What are her hopes or aspirations?
She no longer knows. Rowena used to crave and seek power but it's now less important to her, knowing that power alone won't bring her happiness. Rowena is still looking for what will make her happy but until then she'd just like to feel safe and secure.
16. What is something she doesn't want anyone to find out about her?
Rowena is very frank about her experiences but speaks very little of her time before becoming a witch. She likely wouldn't be as pleased with people knowing her early history of being the tanner's daughter or of her life when she was poor and struggling.
no subject
1. Describe this character's relationship with her parents.
Rowena likely had a good relationship with her parents. They were peasants who grew up poor, so her life choices in getting pregnant likely didn't scupper any plans for them. Rowena knows that they're long-dead, never seeing them again after she had to flee Scotland.
2. Does the character have any siblings? What is/was their relationship like?
She is an only child!
3. Are there other blood relatives to whom she is close? Are there ones she can't stand?
Rowena had a son and a grandson, both of whom are now dead. It took until her son's death for Rowena to admit that she did love him and regret her relationship with him. She very quickly showed affection towards her grandson, though it was a short-lived relationship and she's upset by the fact that she didn't get to know him or spend much time with him.
4. Are there other, unrelated people whom she considers part of her family? What are her relationships with them?
Rowena was very attached to a young boy named Oskar, someone who reminded her of the son she'd abandoned and who she grew to love, healing him of his illness and granting him immortality, not able to see him die (and grateful to his family). After Rowena left Poland she never saw him again until Crowley brought him to her: to kill. This was heartbreaking to her even though Rowena did it, something she hasn't gotten over.
5. Who is/was the character's best friend? How did they meet?
Though she wouldn't use the words Sam Winchester would be described as Rowena's closest friend. They met after the Winchesters tracked her down (to kill her) over her actions, with Sam making the first move towards friendship with her: asking for her help. His calm manner and ease of conversation with her helped their banter grow into friendship, especially after he understood her trauma.
6. Does she have other close friends?
She might not describe them as close friends but she is on friendly terms with Dean and Castiel and is fond of both of them.
7. Does she make friends easily, or does she have trouble getting along with people?
Rowena has trouble getting along with people, mostly due to her ambitious nature and past, and people's suspicions of her. Remove that away (and find her at an honest moment) and she can be warm and caring, someone with a good sense of humour and interesting conversation.
8. Which does she consider more important: family or friends?
Family, though it took Rowena centuries to ever admit it.
9. Is the character single, married, divorced, widowed? Has she been married more than once?
She is single and though she has been engaged (a loveless relationship) she has never been married.
10. Is she currently in a romantic relationship with someone other than a spouse?
No, just having a lot of very good sex. Her last lot of relationships were not especially romantic on Rowena's part either.
11. Who was her first crush? Who is her latest?
The first person she loved was the father of her child, a Scotsman above her social class. Her latest crush was on Gabriel, the archangel (but a fleeting crush for sex, nothing more).
12. What does she look for in a romantic partner?
Money, good looks, someone she'll outlive, though this is more her swindling money from rich people than true happiness. If Rowena did look for love: someone who made her feel safe and respected, who made her smile and treated her like a goddess. Good looks and excellent sex are also desirable perks but not as essential.
13. Does the character have children? Grandchildren? If yes, how does she relate to them? If no, does she want any?
Rowena has one son (Fergus) and a grandson (Gavin). Rowena was admittedly a terrible nothing and couldn't admit to herself (or Fergus) that she loved him until after he'd died, too afraid to love him because of how his father had treated her.
14. Does she have any rivals or enemies?
So many witches and supernatural beings. Also Lucifer.
15. What is the character's sexual orientation? Where does she fall on the Kinsey scale?
Rowena is positively pansexual (and somewhat of a monster fucker). Good banter is the best way to her pants, a little sexual attraction and good looks doesn't hurt.
16. How does she feel about sex? How important is it to her?
She enjoys it but the frequency she has it is debatable. The crowd she keeps isn't one she'd seek sex from too often, though with her fake relationship partners she will still have sex with them (and just not enjoy it). Good sex is much better and would make her go back for more if she liked the person enough.
17. What are her turn-ons? Turn-offs? Weird bedroom habits?
Turn-ons: being treated like a goddess. Turn-offs: boring, rude, cruel, making her sub.
no subject
1. Do you know your character's astrological (zodiac of choice) sign? How well does she fit type?
Rowena is so Gemini-coded it's painful.
2. Is this character religious, spiritual, both, or neither? How important are these elements in her life?
She is proudly pagan, serving magic and nature and no god. Magic is incredibly important to her, as is keeping a balance in nature -- she doesn't want to affect her magic by pissing off nature.
3. Does this character have a personal code of morals or ethics? If so, how did that begin? What would it take to compromise it?
She is still learning those with her redemption but she won't harm someone if they haven't done anything to warrant it.
4. How does she regard beliefs that differ from hers? Is she tolerant, intolerant, curious, indifferent?
Rowena will not stand people who would harm innocents, though in the past has made devil's bargains with those of different beliefs when the circumstances called for it.
5. What prejudices does she hold? Are they irrational or does she have a good reason for them?
She is not a fan of demons or many types of monsters, finding them unpleasant aspects of the supernatural world. Though she is a witch she tries to stay away from supernatural things -- it's pain and trouble.
★ DAILY LIFE
1. What is the character's financial situation? Is she rich, poor, comfortable, in debt?
Rowena has tucked enough money away (somehow) to make herself very comfortable. Really, she doesn't worry about money and some of this might be magic-comfort or she used magic to get money. Either way she's comfortable and it's good considering she has expensive tastes. Gotta look great in this world.
2. What is her social status? Has this changed over time, and if so, how has the change affected her?
It has changed considerably over time, going from a peasant to a respectable, high-class lady. At least someone that appears it in how she dresses and carries herself, though Rowena has managed to get into the lives of several rich or famous people. Whilst she's not with them all the time it helps her move through the world.
3. Where does she live? House, apartment, trailer? Is her home her castle or just a place to crash? What condition is it in? Does she share it with others?
Rowena has an apartment in Aradia Apartments. It is very nice, decorated to everything a modern witch would need complete with secret rooms and a hex on it for trespassers. She lives alone and keeps it clean and tidy.
4. Besides the basic necessities, what does she spend her money on?
Witch supplies for her spells, clothes and heels, alcohol (wine and scotch) and books.
5. What does she do for a living? Is she good at it? Does she enjoy it, or would she rather be doing something else?
Rowena has no job, it's not the life for her. She is a witch and is very skilled and talented at it -- it's the only thing she wishes to do in life.
6. What are her interests or hobbies? How does she spend her free time?
Reading, spellwork, playing poker, dancing, fine dining, swindling people of their money.
7. What are her eating habits? Does she skip meals, eat out, drink alcohol, avoid certain foods?
Rowena eats very well at fancy restaurants. She does not (and maybe cannot) cook and likely only has takeout if the Winchesters order some. She's a fan of wine and scotch, though some other drinks could substitute. She would only skip meals if she were in the middle of a time-consuming spell/thing and didn't have the opportunity to eat.
★ META COMMENTARY
★ CROWLEY
Pregnancy and childbirth were always going to be complicated: a single woman with an illegitimate child? To Rowena it hadn't mattered: she was in love. The father of her child was likely the first man that she'd loved and had also told her that he loved her. Except he wasn't so kind or truthful, leaving Rowena to return to his wife as she gave birth. It was already a traumatic birth for her, Rowena describing herself as being half-dead during it, thighs slick with blood, and then she was left alone with her baby, an act that was so devastating to her that it influenced how she treated her son.
Rowena wanted to love her child, this was her baby and despite being alone she should love him, but all Rowena could see as she looked at her son was an image of the man who had betrayed her. She'd been in love, had her heart crushed and it was a feeling unlike anything she'd felt before. Her mental health was tragic at this point in her life, devastated when she should be happy, struggling due to her poverty and in the 17th century there was no term or help for her. She was alone: no parents, likely no social circle, no partner.
Being a terrible mother wasn't strictly out of choice but out of her emotional struggle: she wasn't physically abusive to her son but emotionally neglectful and distant, enough to the point that he grew up believing that his mother didn't love him. (She did but at that point in her life she couldn't allow herself to feel it or show it, needing to hate his father to steel herself and build herself back up). Love to Rowena had let her become broken at her weakest point and she wouldn't let herself feel that pain again: and that pain came from love (and betrayal).
Even though Rowena wasn't emotionally available for Fergus she was physically present (in his early childhood) and there were some fond memories that she had of their life together, even if he couldn't remember them (due to his own pain). She sang him lullabies, taught him about the animals she kept, took him with her when she went into town and, when Rowena began learning about magic, taught him aspects of magic. Despite how poor they were he also grew up healthy and fed, and she attempted to clothe him.
Rowena's foray into magic ended up being the start of trouble for them. Fergus was eight when she was forced out of Scotland, chased out during the Witch Trials and though she survived she left Fergus behind. It was both a poor choice moment of Rowena's but also an attempt at something better for him: she was left alone, had nowhere to sleep and her health and condition were incredibly poor at that time (described by Catriona Loughlin as a rag doll, flea-bitten and dirty) which was not something a child should go through. When Rowena left Scotland she left Fergus in a workhouse, a marginally better environment than her own. The poor choice from her is that she never returned for him, though it also took decades for Rowena to get herself onto her feet again.
Whilst Rowena never went back of him it is noted that she did keep tabs on him, having heard of his death after it had happened. Unfortunately, they weren't close enough tabs to ever then know of her grandson (or that might have influenced her actions) but despite her complicated feelings for her son she had been saddened by his death then.
When Rowena and Fergus reunite it's centuries later, Fergus having sold his soul to a demon before dying and later rising up to becoming King of Hell. When Rowena first meets him again she doesn't react motherly at all, trying to manipulate him for her own gains due to the power that he holds and wanting to have a place where she can feel secure. Whilst neither trusts the other, Rowena does (in a strange way) attempt to bond with Fergus and does act in a way that she genuinely believes is in his best interests: after her experiences with the Men of Letters she finds the Winchesters (hunters) threatening to both herself and Fergus, tries to help him keep a strong hand over Hell to ensure his rule and tries to reminisce and spend time with him. It's heavily layered in her manipulations but Rowena has never known how to be a mother and after spending centuries on the run has never felt settled, safe or been able to build many good social connections.
Their lack of trust means that he doesn't appreciate her efforts, Rowena ends up going too far in her efforts and both of them spend a chunk of the next few months trying to kill each other. But life keeps throwing them back into each other's lives and they do start to form a bond, particularly after Fergus gets an honest story out of Rowena due to using a Witchcatcher on her, forcing her to tell the truth about why she hates him (see above) and learning of some of her trauma and struggles in the process. It's not an easy story for either of them but it does give them both a moment of clarity and even footing, and being forced to work together with the Winchesters helps them to develop a little bit of caring for the other. When Rowena is killed by Lucifer (the first time) he seems to be visibly moved by it (and afraid of Lucifer) and later shows a slightly more caring hand towards her.
And then Rowena learns that she has a grandson. This is something that she's thrilled about, incredibly nervous but is excited to meet him and spend some time with him. The two talk a little about her early life, Gavin curious about his father when he was younger, and Rowena is honest with him, though there's clear guilt to her actions and what had happened during that period of her life (guilt and embarrassment).
Sadly, due to horrible circumstances, Rowena barely gets a chance to know him. Gavin had been brought through time years previously and to help restore the timeline he'd needed to be sent back, something that Rowena helped with. This was something that Fergus was abjectly against, refusing to let his son die when they had a new chance together and thus had a lot of scorn for Rowena for her help in sending Gavin back in time. Though, whilst Rowena had agreed to help it upset her, knowing that she had a grandson that she'd never met, mourning for the family she didn't have. When Fergus confronts her about it she responds to his scorn with her own unkindness, claiming that she'd done it to hurt him (given how he'd hurt her by "forcing" her to kill Oskar, a young boy she'd loved like a son), but her words are too emotional to be true, trying to hurt him to deflect from her own pain (so no one can see her weakness).
Rowena's emotions kick to a new level when she learns that Fergus has died (his final death) and whilst Rowena describes this as an unexpected reaction it's her finally feeling all of the emotion for her son that she'd bottled away for centuries: how much she'd loved him, the guilt that her choices and actions caused on his life and wishing that she could have done so much differently to give him a different life (where he didn't sell his soul to a demon or drink himself to death). It also makes Rowena go a little wild in her actions, unable to resurrect him herself (he was a demon), she tries to call Death out to get her son back, showing the lengths that she will go to for her family (and how much she truly did care).
★ POWER AND REDEMPTION
Rowena was born in Scotland in the 17th century, a tanner's daughter, incredibly poor and someone with few prospects. Her parents were very absent when she was young, needing to work due to their monetary situation (and potentially dying young from health and conditions) and Rowena ended up finding love in the first man who made her happy. And then quickly devastated by the same man, a man who claimed to love her but abandoned her as she gave birth to their son. This was the first heartbreak that Rowena had known in her life and became a pivotal moment for her: she was not someone to love, men were cruel and she would be abandoned.
Not satisfied by her circumstances, wanting more of her life and needing something to protect herself with, Rowena began learning about witchcraft and magic. She was naturally talented at it, a natural witch and her efforts became noticed in the village she lived in by the townsfolk. And hunters: the British Men of Letters. Scotland wasn't safe for witches at that time, many women (and witches) that Rowena knew were burned alive, with Rowena only avoiding that due to being chased out of Scotland. This was her second tragedy: needing to feel safe had led to the loss of so much.
Alone and with nothing to her, Rowena travelled Europe in search of somewhere to rest, to find safety and to learn more about magic. She'd heard of a family of witches, very powerful witches and made her way to find them, though Rowena was very quickly rejected by them, refused any attention and was turned away. Rowena, finding her way to Italy, found a mentor in a Milanese witch who gave her refuge and the Grand Coven. Though they were judgemental of Rowena for having had a child with a non-magical person, they permitted her entry to the coven based on her great talent. However, they would later banish her from the coven, binding her magic due to believing her to be reckless and too wild for them, uncontrollable. These were her third and fourth betrayals which only further reinforced the idea that Rowena was unlovable and undesirable and that the only person she could count on was herself, that no one else would be in her corner.
But they were wrong, misjudging the woman who was before her, who had been shaped by the betrayals and fear that she'd known in her life. Rowena had turned to magic initially to give herself something more in her life, to be safe and secure, to be able to protect herself and to not feel weak as she had when she'd been rejected by the father of her child. Since then Rowena had only sought to strengthen her knowledge of magic, to learn, to be part of witch society, particularly with the coven. She wanted to learn, apt at magic, to grow the one thing in her life that she felt good at. And to continue feeling safe with a home, with a family, with a piece of stability in her life.
But she was alone again.
Until she finally found kindness. A Polish family took pity on Rowena, granting her safety in their home, a place to rest for a time. This kindness was the first thing that Rowena had felt in a very long time and it allowed her to heal a little, spending time cared for by them and helping them in return. They had a son, an 8-year-old who reminded her dearly of the child that she'd abandoned, however he was terminally ill. In gratitude to the family for helping her she healed his illness, bestowing immortality upon him before leaving them, rested, and a little healed.
However, Rowena didn't leave so willingly. After being banished, Rowena had to keep moving, unable to settle anywhere for too long: she was on the run from the Grand Coven, forbidden by them to use magic but not actually listening to that rule. So she kept moving, looking over her shoulder for the next few centuries, and becoming incredibly guarded. Though Rowena did settle for a time across the world, living in London and America (amongst other places) she never had anywhere she could stay for long, unable to really make a life for herself. So Rowena did what she could, finding ways to make money for the pieces of life that she could carve out before she had to run again.
But constantly being on the run, constantly looking over her shoulder and guarding herself made Rowena colder and harsher. She used her magic for herself, getting what she needed in the moment and though she never intentionally set out to hurt anyone she used her magic even knowing that there would be consequences, that some of her spells would kill people. But she justified it: she was looking out for herself no matter what. To others it made Rowena appear to be evil being so cold and uncaring, but it would be something that Rowena pushed the regret down as. Who would look out for her if she didn't? And why should she care for others when no one cared for her? So she embraced what people said, choosing not to argue against it. No one would listen anyway.
But there was always one thing missing from her life: happiness. And, after finding her son and being dragged into supernatural events (regrets!) a second: security. The desire to feel safe ends up leading Rowena to make some very terrible choices. Rowena knows that power means safety, it's what she's built her thinking on (and her own power) which is why she first tries to manipulate her son (to have the power and security of the King of Hell behind her) but after being rejected by him she sets her sights higher: Lucifer. After Lucifer comes to her in a dream she betrays the Winchesters plan to try and free Lucifer, succeeding in doing so. Except he's as self-serving as she's been, killing her for her efforts (so that she can never imprison him back in the cafe). However, Rowena's life has taught her to be one step ahead, teaching her how to survive and death doesn't stop her: not with the resurrection seal within her body.
Scared from her death and wanting nothing to do with anything supernatural, Rowena had tried to build herself a normal life. She was no longer afraid of the coven, letting herself settle and though she'd built up some money over the years it wasn't enough to feel secure. So she did what any normal woman would: try and find love. Although Rowena's hopes of love weren't real, the money and security that having someone in her life could offer her was really what she sought, looking for an easier life and trying to capture the feeling that she'd never had.
Not that Rowena would get her wish, dragged into more supernatural events, killed again and back at the beginning. Afraid. Weak. But also determined. Though Rowena had been seeking for years to try and remove the seal on her magic, to unleash her full power, it wasn't until again encountering the Loughlin family that Rowena found a way to do so. Whilst it hadn't been as pressing to break the spell it had always been a thought in her mind but now? Dying, the torture that Lucifer had put her through and the terror that she now felt were the push to seek more power: for protection, to feel safe, to never feel helpless again.
Whilst Rowena did manage to complete this, and it did make her feel safe (for the first time in a very long time) her life still lacked something: happiness.
It had been a long time since Rowena had thought about that for herself, but due to getting involved with the Winchesters, it had been something that had started cropping up more and more. And she couldn't help but now feel lost. Rowena had always sought power to feel safe, finding happiness in it, but after meeting God and his sister and finding them (the two most powerful beings in the universe) struggling with the same sibling issues that mortals did, it made her wonder what she'd spent her life doing.
The Winchesters also managed to confuse this. Originally, whenever they'd called Rowena had made a bargain with them, neither side trusting the other and Rowena trying to get something out of it for her benefit. After meeting God? Those bargains stopped. Rowena slowly began to realise that the Winchesters were not as terrible as other hunters she'd known, that they were looking out for the good of the world, and subconsciously it encouraged her to do the same. She offered help when they asked without asking for something in return. And every time they asked they got to know her a little better, she got to know them a little better and a fondness started to grow.
Particularly for Sam Winchester, though Rowena wouldn't realise how long that fondness had been growing.
Sam had first asked Rowena for help when they were "mortal enemies" and this was new to Rowena, feeling useful, being desired for her magic, being needed. Though she'd bargained then and not realised that this feeling was what brought her happiness it was also what made her more willing to help every time they asked: she didn't need a bargain to get something because doing the right thing did something, it brought her contentment, it served well for her life and it slowly built friendships and security. She didn't need to fear hunters if she helped them, the world would be safer and she would be safer.
Though Rowena still had many regrets in her life, and many things to learn, finally feeling wanted and needed in her life ended up bringing her more happiness and security than she'd thought she could ever obtain. It gave her the thing she'd always desired in life.
If only someone had tried that centuries ago. She'd have lived a very different life, knowing kindness and being kinder.
★ HISTORICAL TLDR
★ SCOTLAND
★ LANGUAGES
( interesting fact: the gàidhlig for scotland is alba )
Due to one of the Kings of Scotland marrying an Englishwoman (who did not learn Gàidhlig) in the 12th century, there was a decline in Scottish tradition and naming within the Scottish court, particularly in southern Scotland. With more English travelling to Scotland, Inglis became more commonly spoken (the language of the merchant class) and in the Lowlands, Gàidhlig became more of a rural language with English being more spread. In northern and western Scotland, Gàidhlig was still predominantly spoken and a cultural norm, particularly at court.
By the 15th century, Gàidhlig was no longer the predominant language in most of Scotland, having mostly disappeared from the Lowlands by the mid-14th century. Scots (English in Scottish form) became the official government language. Whilst Gàidhlig had become a rural language in the Lowlands, by the 18th century even that was lost and Gàidhlig was no longer spoken.
However, whilst Gàidhlig was all but lost in the Lowlands, the Highlands retained its use of the language. It was a difficult time (with those who wrote or spoke in Gàidhlig persecuted under laws for not using English), and whilst English did become more widespread in the Highlands (during the 17th and 18th centuries), Gàidhlig still remained (in regions known as a Gaidhealtachd). Many Scots became bilingual: speaking Gàidhlig at home and rough English to trade, and whilst for many English ended up becoming predominantly spoken over Gàidhlig, in the Gaidhealtachds Gàidhlig was still the native tongue.
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★ COLOURFUL PHRASES
★ MACLEOD
The Isle of Skye (An t-Eilean Sgitheanach) is the largest Scottish island off the northwest coast of Scotland. Clan MacLeod was one of the more powerful clans on the Island in the post-Norse period (~13th century).
( interesting fact: clann in gàidhlig means family, offspring, etc. so clann mhic leòid means the descendents of the son of leòid )
After centuries of warring between the clans, in the 17th century, clan MacLeod had been defeated in Skye, and the King met with the Chiefs to discuss the future of ruling the Isles. They disagreed, the Chiefs were imprisoned, and it was messy.
Harris and Dunvegan were part of the Highlands of Scotlands.
Rowena as a name has two potential origins: Old English or Welsh. The Old English etymology makes the name up of row (fame) and joy (happiness), whilst in Welsh it's a derivative of the name Rhonwen (connected to the word for horsehair).