Rowena was around 16 when she fell pregnant and had her son, Fergus Roderick MacLeod, who came from an affair that Rowena had with a wealthy married man. She'd grown up in (likely) rural Scotland, a tanner's daughter, and due to the poverty that she'd grown up in noted that her parents were absent (or likely dead). She was poor, had no prospects, and no income from the father of her child (minus anything he may have given to her). What Rowena did have? The home she'd grown up in and some land for animals (or a farm she worked on).
Pregnancy and childbirth were always going to be complicated: a single woman with an illegitimate child? To Rowena it hadn't mattered: she was in love. The father of her child was likely the first man that she'd loved and had also told her that he loved her. Except he wasn't so kind or truthful, leaving Rowena to return to his wife as she gave birth. It was already a traumatic birth for her, Rowena describing herself as being half-dead during it, thighs slick with blood, and then she was left alone with her baby, an act that was so devastating to her that it influenced how she treated her son.
Rowena wanted to love her child, this was her baby and despite being alone she should love him, but all Rowena could see as she looked at her son was an image of the man who had betrayed her. She'd been in love, had her heart crushed and it was a feeling unlike anything she'd felt before. Her mental health was tragic at this point in her life, devastated when she should be happy, struggling due to her poverty and in the 17th century there was no term or help for her. She was alone: no parents, likely no social circle, no partner.
Being a terrible mother wasn't strictly out of choice but out of her emotional struggle: she wasn't physically abusive to her son but emotionally neglectful and distant, enough to the point that he grew up believing that his mother didn't love him. (She did but at that point in her life she couldn't allow herself to feel it or show it, needing to hate his father to steel herself and build herself back up). Love to Rowena had let her become broken at her weakest point and she wouldn't let herself feel that pain again: and that pain came from love (and betrayal).
Even though Rowena wasn't emotionally available for Fergus she was physically present (in his early childhood) and there were some fond memories that she had of their life together, even if he couldn't remember them (due to his own pain). She sang him lullabies, taught him about the animals she kept, took him with her when she went into town and, when Rowena began learning about magic, taught him aspects of magic. Despite how poor they were he also grew up healthy and fed, and she attempted to clothe him.
Rowena's foray into magic ended up being the start of trouble for them. Fergus was eight when she was forced out of Scotland, chased out during the Witch Trials and though she survived she left Fergus behind. It was both a poor choice moment of Rowena's but also an attempt at something better for him: she was left alone, had nowhere to sleep and her health and condition were incredibly poor at that time (described by Catriona Loughlin as a rag doll, flea-bitten and dirty) which was not something a child should go through. When Rowena left Scotland she left Fergus in a workhouse, a marginally better environment than her own. The poor choice from her is that she never returned for him, though it also took decades for Rowena to get herself onto her feet again.
Whilst Rowena never went back of him it is noted that she did keep tabs on him, having heard of his death after it had happened. Unfortunately, they weren't close enough tabs to ever then know of her grandson (or that might have influenced her actions) but despite her complicated feelings for her son she had been saddened by his death then.
When Rowena and Fergus reunite it's centuries later, Fergus having sold his soul to a demon before dying and later rising up to becoming King of Hell. When Rowena first meets him again she doesn't react motherly at all, trying to manipulate him for her own gains due to the power that he holds and wanting to have a place where she can feel secure. Whilst neither trusts the other, Rowena does (in a strange way) attempt to bond with Fergus and does act in a way that she genuinely believes is in his best interests: after her experiences with the Men of Letters she finds the Winchesters (hunters) threatening to both herself and Fergus, tries to help him keep a strong hand over Hell to ensure his rule and tries to reminisce and spend time with him. It's heavily layered in her manipulations but Rowena has never known how to be a mother and after spending centuries on the run has never felt settled, safe or been able to build many good social connections.
Their lack of trust means that he doesn't appreciate her efforts, Rowena ends up going too far in her efforts and both of them spend a chunk of the next few months trying to kill each other. But life keeps throwing them back into each other's lives and they do start to form a bond, particularly after Fergus gets an honest story out of Rowena due to using a Witchcatcher on her, forcing her to tell the truth about why she hates him (see above) and learning of some of her trauma and struggles in the process. It's not an easy story for either of them but it does give them both a moment of clarity and even footing, and being forced to work together with the Winchesters helps them to develop a little bit of caring for the other. When Rowena is killed by Lucifer (the first time) he seems to be visibly moved by it (and afraid of Lucifer) and later shows a slightly more caring hand towards her.
And then Rowena learns that she has a grandson. This is something that she's thrilled about, incredibly nervous but is excited to meet him and spend some time with him. The two talk a little about her early life, Gavin curious about his father when he was younger, and Rowena is honest with him, though there's clear guilt to her actions and what had happened during that period of her life (guilt and embarrassment).
Sadly, due to horrible circumstances, Rowena barely gets a chance to know him. Gavin had been brought through time years previously and to help restore the timeline he'd needed to be sent back, something that Rowena helped with. This was something that Fergus was abjectly against, refusing to let his son die when they had a new chance together and thus had a lot of scorn for Rowena for her help in sending Gavin back in time. Though, whilst Rowena had agreed to help it upset her, knowing that she had a grandson that she'd never met, mourning for the family she didn't have. When Fergus confronts her about it she responds to his scorn with her own unkindness, claiming that she'd done it to hurt him (given how he'd hurt her by "forcing" her to kill Oskar, a young boy she'd loved like a son), but her words are too emotional to be true, trying to hurt him to deflect from her own pain (so no one can see her weakness).
Rowena's emotions kick to a new level when she learns that Fergus has died (his final death) and whilst Rowena describes this as an unexpected reaction it's her finally feeling all of the emotion for her son that she'd bottled away for centuries: how much she'd loved him, the guilt that her choices and actions caused on his life and wishing that she could have done so much differently to give him a different life (where he didn't sell his soul to a demon or drink himself to death). It also makes Rowena go a little wild in her actions, unable to resurrect him herself (he was a demon), she tries to call Death out to get her son back, showing the lengths that she will go to for her family (and how much she truly did care).
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★ CROWLEY
Pregnancy and childbirth were always going to be complicated: a single woman with an illegitimate child? To Rowena it hadn't mattered: she was in love. The father of her child was likely the first man that she'd loved and had also told her that he loved her. Except he wasn't so kind or truthful, leaving Rowena to return to his wife as she gave birth. It was already a traumatic birth for her, Rowena describing herself as being half-dead during it, thighs slick with blood, and then she was left alone with her baby, an act that was so devastating to her that it influenced how she treated her son.
Rowena wanted to love her child, this was her baby and despite being alone she should love him, but all Rowena could see as she looked at her son was an image of the man who had betrayed her. She'd been in love, had her heart crushed and it was a feeling unlike anything she'd felt before. Her mental health was tragic at this point in her life, devastated when she should be happy, struggling due to her poverty and in the 17th century there was no term or help for her. She was alone: no parents, likely no social circle, no partner.
Being a terrible mother wasn't strictly out of choice but out of her emotional struggle: she wasn't physically abusive to her son but emotionally neglectful and distant, enough to the point that he grew up believing that his mother didn't love him. (She did but at that point in her life she couldn't allow herself to feel it or show it, needing to hate his father to steel herself and build herself back up). Love to Rowena had let her become broken at her weakest point and she wouldn't let herself feel that pain again: and that pain came from love (and betrayal).
Even though Rowena wasn't emotionally available for Fergus she was physically present (in his early childhood) and there were some fond memories that she had of their life together, even if he couldn't remember them (due to his own pain). She sang him lullabies, taught him about the animals she kept, took him with her when she went into town and, when Rowena began learning about magic, taught him aspects of magic. Despite how poor they were he also grew up healthy and fed, and she attempted to clothe him.
Rowena's foray into magic ended up being the start of trouble for them. Fergus was eight when she was forced out of Scotland, chased out during the Witch Trials and though she survived she left Fergus behind. It was both a poor choice moment of Rowena's but also an attempt at something better for him: she was left alone, had nowhere to sleep and her health and condition were incredibly poor at that time (described by Catriona Loughlin as a rag doll, flea-bitten and dirty) which was not something a child should go through. When Rowena left Scotland she left Fergus in a workhouse, a marginally better environment than her own. The poor choice from her is that she never returned for him, though it also took decades for Rowena to get herself onto her feet again.
Whilst Rowena never went back of him it is noted that she did keep tabs on him, having heard of his death after it had happened. Unfortunately, they weren't close enough tabs to ever then know of her grandson (or that might have influenced her actions) but despite her complicated feelings for her son she had been saddened by his death then.
When Rowena and Fergus reunite it's centuries later, Fergus having sold his soul to a demon before dying and later rising up to becoming King of Hell. When Rowena first meets him again she doesn't react motherly at all, trying to manipulate him for her own gains due to the power that he holds and wanting to have a place where she can feel secure. Whilst neither trusts the other, Rowena does (in a strange way) attempt to bond with Fergus and does act in a way that she genuinely believes is in his best interests: after her experiences with the Men of Letters she finds the Winchesters (hunters) threatening to both herself and Fergus, tries to help him keep a strong hand over Hell to ensure his rule and tries to reminisce and spend time with him. It's heavily layered in her manipulations but Rowena has never known how to be a mother and after spending centuries on the run has never felt settled, safe or been able to build many good social connections.
Their lack of trust means that he doesn't appreciate her efforts, Rowena ends up going too far in her efforts and both of them spend a chunk of the next few months trying to kill each other. But life keeps throwing them back into each other's lives and they do start to form a bond, particularly after Fergus gets an honest story out of Rowena due to using a Witchcatcher on her, forcing her to tell the truth about why she hates him (see above) and learning of some of her trauma and struggles in the process. It's not an easy story for either of them but it does give them both a moment of clarity and even footing, and being forced to work together with the Winchesters helps them to develop a little bit of caring for the other. When Rowena is killed by Lucifer (the first time) he seems to be visibly moved by it (and afraid of Lucifer) and later shows a slightly more caring hand towards her.
And then Rowena learns that she has a grandson. This is something that she's thrilled about, incredibly nervous but is excited to meet him and spend some time with him. The two talk a little about her early life, Gavin curious about his father when he was younger, and Rowena is honest with him, though there's clear guilt to her actions and what had happened during that period of her life (guilt and embarrassment).
Sadly, due to horrible circumstances, Rowena barely gets a chance to know him. Gavin had been brought through time years previously and to help restore the timeline he'd needed to be sent back, something that Rowena helped with. This was something that Fergus was abjectly against, refusing to let his son die when they had a new chance together and thus had a lot of scorn for Rowena for her help in sending Gavin back in time. Though, whilst Rowena had agreed to help it upset her, knowing that she had a grandson that she'd never met, mourning for the family she didn't have. When Fergus confronts her about it she responds to his scorn with her own unkindness, claiming that she'd done it to hurt him (given how he'd hurt her by "forcing" her to kill Oskar, a young boy she'd loved like a son), but her words are too emotional to be true, trying to hurt him to deflect from her own pain (so no one can see her weakness).
Rowena's emotions kick to a new level when she learns that Fergus has died (his final death) and whilst Rowena describes this as an unexpected reaction it's her finally feeling all of the emotion for her son that she'd bottled away for centuries: how much she'd loved him, the guilt that her choices and actions caused on his life and wishing that she could have done so much differently to give him a different life (where he didn't sell his soul to a demon or drink himself to death). It also makes Rowena go a little wild in her actions, unable to resurrect him herself (he was a demon), she tries to call Death out to get her son back, showing the lengths that she will go to for her family (and how much she truly did care).