Rowena was born in Scotland in the 17th century, a tanner's daughter, incredibly poor and someone with few prospects. Her parents were very absent when she was young, needing to work due to their monetary situation (and potentially dying young from health and conditions) and Rowena ended up finding love in the first man who made her happy. And then quickly devastated by the same man, a man who claimed to love her but abandoned her as she gave birth to their son. This was the first heartbreak that Rowena had known in her life and became a pivotal moment for her: she was not someone to love, men were cruel and she would be abandoned.
Not satisfied by her circumstances, wanting more of her life and needing something to protect herself with, Rowena began learning about witchcraft and magic. She was naturally talented at it, a natural witch and her efforts became noticed in the village she lived in by the townsfolk. And hunters: the British Men of Letters. Scotland wasn't safe for witches at that time, many women (and witches) that Rowena knew were burned alive, with Rowena only avoiding that due to being chased out of Scotland. This was her second tragedy: needing to feel safe had led to the loss of so much.
Alone and with nothing to her, Rowena travelled Europe in search of somewhere to rest, to find safety and to learn more about magic. She'd heard of a family of witches, very powerful witches and made her way to find them, though Rowena was very quickly rejected by them, refused any attention and was turned away. Rowena, finding her way to Italy, found a mentor in a Milanese witch who gave her refuge and the Grand Coven. Though they were judgemental of Rowena for having had a child with a non-magical person, they permitted her entry to the coven based on her great talent. However, they would later banish her from the coven, binding her magic due to believing her to be reckless and too wild for them, uncontrollable. These were her third and fourth betrayals which only further reinforced the idea that Rowena was unlovable and undesirable and that the only person she could count on was herself, that no one else would be in her corner.
But they were wrong, misjudging the woman who was before her, who had been shaped by the betrayals and fear that she'd known in her life. Rowena had turned to magic initially to give herself something more in her life, to be safe and secure, to be able to protect herself and to not feel weak as she had when she'd been rejected by the father of her child. Since then Rowena had only sought to strengthen her knowledge of magic, to learn, to be part of witch society, particularly with the coven. She wanted to learn, apt at magic, to grow the one thing in her life that she felt good at. And to continue feeling safe with a home, with a family, with a piece of stability in her life.
But she was alone again.
Until she finally found kindness. A Polish family took pity on Rowena, granting her safety in their home, a place to rest for a time. This kindness was the first thing that Rowena had felt in a very long time and it allowed her to heal a little, spending time cared for by them and helping them in return. They had a son, an 8-year-old who reminded her dearly of the child that she'd abandoned, however he was terminally ill. In gratitude to the family for helping her she healed his illness, bestowing immortality upon him before leaving them, rested, and a little healed.
However, Rowena didn't leave so willingly. After being banished, Rowena had to keep moving, unable to settle anywhere for too long: she was on the run from the Grand Coven, forbidden by them to use magic but not actually listening to that rule. So she kept moving, looking over her shoulder for the next few centuries, and becoming incredibly guarded. Though Rowena did settle for a time across the world, living in London and America (amongst other places) she never had anywhere she could stay for long, unable to really make a life for herself. So Rowena did what she could, finding ways to make money for the pieces of life that she could carve out before she had to run again.
But constantly being on the run, constantly looking over her shoulder and guarding herself made Rowena colder and harsher. She used her magic for herself, getting what she needed in the moment and though she never intentionally set out to hurt anyone she used her magic even knowing that there would be consequences, that some of her spells would kill people. But she justified it: she was looking out for herself no matter what. To others it made Rowena appear to be evil being so cold and uncaring, but it would be something that Rowena pushed the regret down as. Who would look out for her if she didn't? And why should she care for others when no one cared for her? So she embraced what people said, choosing not to argue against it. No one would listen anyway.
But there was always one thing missing from her life: happiness. And, after finding her son and being dragged into supernatural events (regrets!) a second: security. The desire to feel safe ends up leading Rowena to make some very terrible choices. Rowena knows that power means safety, it's what she's built her thinking on (and her own power) which is why she first tries to manipulate her son (to have the power and security of the King of Hell behind her) but after being rejected by him she sets her sights higher: Lucifer. After Lucifer comes to her in a dream she betrays the Winchesters plan to try and free Lucifer, succeeding in doing so. Except he's as self-serving as she's been, killing her for her efforts (so that she can never imprison him back in the cafe). However, Rowena's life has taught her to be one step ahead, teaching her how to survive and death doesn't stop her: not with the resurrection seal within her body.
Scared from her death and wanting nothing to do with anything supernatural, Rowena had tried to build herself a normal life. She was no longer afraid of the coven, letting herself settle and though she'd built up some money over the years it wasn't enough to feel secure. So she did what any normal woman would: try and find love. Although Rowena's hopes of love weren't real, the money and security that having someone in her life could offer her was really what she sought, looking for an easier life and trying to capture the feeling that she'd never had.
Not that Rowena would get her wish, dragged into more supernatural events, killed again and back at the beginning. Afraid. Weak. But also determined. Though Rowena had been seeking for years to try and remove the seal on her magic, to unleash her full power, it wasn't until again encountering the Loughlin family that Rowena found a way to do so. Whilst it hadn't been as pressing to break the spell it had always been a thought in her mind but now? Dying, the torture that Lucifer had put her through and the terror that she now felt were the push to seek more power: for protection, to feel safe, to never feel helpless again.
Whilst Rowena did manage to complete this, and it did make her feel safe (for the first time in a very long time) her life still lacked something: happiness.
It had been a long time since Rowena had thought about that for herself, but due to getting involved with the Winchesters, it had been something that had started cropping up more and more. And she couldn't help but now feel lost. Rowena had always sought power to feel safe, finding happiness in it, but after meeting God and his sister and finding them (the two most powerful beings in the universe) struggling with the same sibling issues that mortals did, it made her wonder what she'd spent her life doing.
The Winchesters also managed to confuse this. Originally, whenever they'd called Rowena had made a bargain with them, neither side trusting the other and Rowena trying to get something out of it for her benefit. After meeting God? Those bargains stopped. Rowena slowly began to realise that the Winchesters were not as terrible as other hunters she'd known, that they were looking out for the good of the world, and subconsciously it encouraged her to do the same. She offered help when they asked without asking for something in return. And every time they asked they got to know her a little better, she got to know them a little better and a fondness started to grow.
Particularly for Sam Winchester, though Rowena wouldn't realise how long that fondness had been growing.
Sam had first asked Rowena for help when they were "mortal enemies" and this was new to Rowena, feeling useful, being desired for her magic, being needed. Though she'd bargained then and not realised that this feeling was what brought her happiness it was also what made her more willing to help every time they asked: she didn't need a bargain to get something because doing the right thing did something, it brought her contentment, it served well for her life and it slowly built friendships and security. She didn't need to fear hunters if she helped them, the world would be safer and she would be safer.
Though Rowena still had many regrets in her life, and many things to learn, finally feeling wanted and needed in her life ended up bringing her more happiness and security than she'd thought she could ever obtain. It gave her the thing she'd always desired in life.
If only someone had tried that centuries ago. She'd have lived a very different life, knowing kindness and being kinder.
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★ POWER AND REDEMPTION
Rowena was born in Scotland in the 17th century, a tanner's daughter, incredibly poor and someone with few prospects. Her parents were very absent when she was young, needing to work due to their monetary situation (and potentially dying young from health and conditions) and Rowena ended up finding love in the first man who made her happy. And then quickly devastated by the same man, a man who claimed to love her but abandoned her as she gave birth to their son. This was the first heartbreak that Rowena had known in her life and became a pivotal moment for her: she was not someone to love, men were cruel and she would be abandoned.
Not satisfied by her circumstances, wanting more of her life and needing something to protect herself with, Rowena began learning about witchcraft and magic. She was naturally talented at it, a natural witch and her efforts became noticed in the village she lived in by the townsfolk. And hunters: the British Men of Letters. Scotland wasn't safe for witches at that time, many women (and witches) that Rowena knew were burned alive, with Rowena only avoiding that due to being chased out of Scotland. This was her second tragedy: needing to feel safe had led to the loss of so much.
Alone and with nothing to her, Rowena travelled Europe in search of somewhere to rest, to find safety and to learn more about magic. She'd heard of a family of witches, very powerful witches and made her way to find them, though Rowena was very quickly rejected by them, refused any attention and was turned away. Rowena, finding her way to Italy, found a mentor in a Milanese witch who gave her refuge and the Grand Coven. Though they were judgemental of Rowena for having had a child with a non-magical person, they permitted her entry to the coven based on her great talent. However, they would later banish her from the coven, binding her magic due to believing her to be reckless and too wild for them, uncontrollable. These were her third and fourth betrayals which only further reinforced the idea that Rowena was unlovable and undesirable and that the only person she could count on was herself, that no one else would be in her corner.
But they were wrong, misjudging the woman who was before her, who had been shaped by the betrayals and fear that she'd known in her life. Rowena had turned to magic initially to give herself something more in her life, to be safe and secure, to be able to protect herself and to not feel weak as she had when she'd been rejected by the father of her child. Since then Rowena had only sought to strengthen her knowledge of magic, to learn, to be part of witch society, particularly with the coven. She wanted to learn, apt at magic, to grow the one thing in her life that she felt good at. And to continue feeling safe with a home, with a family, with a piece of stability in her life.
But she was alone again.
Until she finally found kindness. A Polish family took pity on Rowena, granting her safety in their home, a place to rest for a time. This kindness was the first thing that Rowena had felt in a very long time and it allowed her to heal a little, spending time cared for by them and helping them in return. They had a son, an 8-year-old who reminded her dearly of the child that she'd abandoned, however he was terminally ill. In gratitude to the family for helping her she healed his illness, bestowing immortality upon him before leaving them, rested, and a little healed.
However, Rowena didn't leave so willingly. After being banished, Rowena had to keep moving, unable to settle anywhere for too long: she was on the run from the Grand Coven, forbidden by them to use magic but not actually listening to that rule. So she kept moving, looking over her shoulder for the next few centuries, and becoming incredibly guarded. Though Rowena did settle for a time across the world, living in London and America (amongst other places) she never had anywhere she could stay for long, unable to really make a life for herself. So Rowena did what she could, finding ways to make money for the pieces of life that she could carve out before she had to run again.
But constantly being on the run, constantly looking over her shoulder and guarding herself made Rowena colder and harsher. She used her magic for herself, getting what she needed in the moment and though she never intentionally set out to hurt anyone she used her magic even knowing that there would be consequences, that some of her spells would kill people. But she justified it: she was looking out for herself no matter what. To others it made Rowena appear to be evil being so cold and uncaring, but it would be something that Rowena pushed the regret down as. Who would look out for her if she didn't? And why should she care for others when no one cared for her? So she embraced what people said, choosing not to argue against it. No one would listen anyway.
But there was always one thing missing from her life: happiness. And, after finding her son and being dragged into supernatural events (regrets!) a second: security. The desire to feel safe ends up leading Rowena to make some very terrible choices. Rowena knows that power means safety, it's what she's built her thinking on (and her own power) which is why she first tries to manipulate her son (to have the power and security of the King of Hell behind her) but after being rejected by him she sets her sights higher: Lucifer. After Lucifer comes to her in a dream she betrays the Winchesters plan to try and free Lucifer, succeeding in doing so. Except he's as self-serving as she's been, killing her for her efforts (so that she can never imprison him back in the cafe). However, Rowena's life has taught her to be one step ahead, teaching her how to survive and death doesn't stop her: not with the resurrection seal within her body.
Scared from her death and wanting nothing to do with anything supernatural, Rowena had tried to build herself a normal life. She was no longer afraid of the coven, letting herself settle and though she'd built up some money over the years it wasn't enough to feel secure. So she did what any normal woman would: try and find love. Although Rowena's hopes of love weren't real, the money and security that having someone in her life could offer her was really what she sought, looking for an easier life and trying to capture the feeling that she'd never had.
Not that Rowena would get her wish, dragged into more supernatural events, killed again and back at the beginning. Afraid. Weak. But also determined. Though Rowena had been seeking for years to try and remove the seal on her magic, to unleash her full power, it wasn't until again encountering the Loughlin family that Rowena found a way to do so. Whilst it hadn't been as pressing to break the spell it had always been a thought in her mind but now? Dying, the torture that Lucifer had put her through and the terror that she now felt were the push to seek more power: for protection, to feel safe, to never feel helpless again.
Whilst Rowena did manage to complete this, and it did make her feel safe (for the first time in a very long time) her life still lacked something: happiness.
It had been a long time since Rowena had thought about that for herself, but due to getting involved with the Winchesters, it had been something that had started cropping up more and more. And she couldn't help but now feel lost. Rowena had always sought power to feel safe, finding happiness in it, but after meeting God and his sister and finding them (the two most powerful beings in the universe) struggling with the same sibling issues that mortals did, it made her wonder what she'd spent her life doing.
The Winchesters also managed to confuse this. Originally, whenever they'd called Rowena had made a bargain with them, neither side trusting the other and Rowena trying to get something out of it for her benefit. After meeting God? Those bargains stopped. Rowena slowly began to realise that the Winchesters were not as terrible as other hunters she'd known, that they were looking out for the good of the world, and subconsciously it encouraged her to do the same. She offered help when they asked without asking for something in return. And every time they asked they got to know her a little better, she got to know them a little better and a fondness started to grow.
Particularly for Sam Winchester, though Rowena wouldn't realise how long that fondness had been growing.
Sam had first asked Rowena for help when they were "mortal enemies" and this was new to Rowena, feeling useful, being desired for her magic, being needed. Though she'd bargained then and not realised that this feeling was what brought her happiness it was also what made her more willing to help every time they asked: she didn't need a bargain to get something because doing the right thing did something, it brought her contentment, it served well for her life and it slowly built friendships and security. She didn't need to fear hunters if she helped them, the world would be safer and she would be safer.
Though Rowena still had many regrets in her life, and many things to learn, finally feeling wanted and needed in her life ended up bringing her more happiness and security than she'd thought she could ever obtain. It gave her the thing she'd always desired in life.
If only someone had tried that centuries ago. She'd have lived a very different life, knowing kindness and being kinder.