( she hadn't known much of this. rowena had known that his castiel had come from a terrible world, that lucifer had won, but not the smaller details. she'd never asked, never needed to know, but she supposes for dean...
well, it makes sense. the dean that she knew already didn't trust easily and for him to have seen this? why would he trust?
she certainly understood very well how the circumstances of your life could make you guarded and not willing to trust anyone.
the only thing that dea will note through his story, if he's watching her, is the flicker of fear that she tries (and fails) to conceal when he mentioned lucifer, a slightly tighter grip at her glass. before she finally drinks some of it when he pauses before lowering her glass back to her knee, trying to make the whole thing still seem very casual )
Well, from meeting Dean you know that didn't occur. Though I wish I could say that our experiences with Lucifer ended with him being trapped in the cage.
( which she knows was her fault. she can only partially claim that she was manipulated: she also allowed herself to be without thinking it through. she was lusting for his power )
( the hesitation is telling enough, rowena tapping on the rim of her glass with her finger. but she does make one confession-- )
I may have thrown him into an alternate universe.
( although it had been entirely accidentally and completely fucked up the plan that the boys had needed her to do. she shouldn't have lied to sam and said that she'd be fine alone with lucifer but she knew that they needed as much power on their side as possible, leaving someone with her would ruin their goals. even if they'd dearly hoped that her magic would hold lucifer.
which... it probably wouldn't if he hadn't baited her into doing something reckless )
I was with you, Sam, Castiel... and Gabriel. We'd captured Lucifer to use his grace to open a portal to that universe. ( she skips saying why ) They'd intended to kill him once they were done with him.
( dean you will learn that she is the queen of underestimating something when she thinks it's in her favour. or just doesn't want to admit it )
The others were in that universe. I would like to say that they'd had enough time to complete their plan and come back to do that first but...
( she can't.
no, really, she wishes they had been back and had killed him so that he could stop baiting her. that would have been so nice. don't pick at trauma scabs, lucifer )
As much as I would love for Lucifer to be trapped in some apocalyptic world where he can't do damage-- ( to her. them. their world. whatever ) I wasn't intending to trap him with you.
( them. this was too messy )
It wasn't a plan, I didn't close the door and I'd rather what you'd intended to happen did happen.
( a wave of conflicting emotions pass through him. he makes the split decision to set the glass down get to his feet. he can't do this. he thought he could, but he didn't think this would be a reverse look at your life situation. one he never got to live. his mom? mentioning mary just crosses a line. )
( rowena interprets the emotion as him needing reassurance, of the fact that his mum had been resurrected as being a lot to handle. and really underestimating what it is that he's thinking )
( he bristles, because she can't know that. to even know that she's alive and lost sends a full body shiver through his system. if he could, would he break into that world, and then break into the next. would he save jer again. could he?
they lost her the first time around.
he nods to himself. she's not wrong. he doesn't need to hear this. it's not for him. it's not his. he didn't get his mom back, he got the devil in his brother. )
( there's a pause and she can't fault him for these reactions either, it hadn't been a great story to find some measure of trust with. or getting to know each other.
so she doesn't press it, doesn't push. and instead gives him something-- )
Before I came here I was helping Dean, Sam and Castiel. If you need something... you know where I am.
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well, it makes sense. the dean that she knew already didn't trust easily and for him to have seen this? why would he trust?
she certainly understood very well how the circumstances of your life could make you guarded and not willing to trust anyone.
the only thing that dea will note through his story, if he's watching her, is the flicker of fear that she tries (and fails) to conceal when he mentioned lucifer, a slightly tighter grip at her glass. before she finally drinks some of it when he pauses before lowering her glass back to her knee, trying to make the whole thing still seem very casual )
Well, from meeting Dean you know that didn't occur. Though I wish I could say that our experiences with Lucifer ended with him being trapped in the cage.
( which she knows was her fault. she can only partially claim that she was manipulated: she also allowed herself to be without thinking it through. she was lusting for his power )
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I know it went down differently, I don't know anything else. ( and -- he wasn't going to ask. ) But, he didn't end up in Sam.
( he just needs confirmation. )
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( he almost would have done to help defeat amara if sam had gone through with that but... dear castiel also took that bait instead.
which rowena opts not to mention. yet )
He was locked away, then freed... then trapped again, though nothing holds him for long.
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( but worse. a lot worse. )
He's locked away? For now?
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I may have thrown him into an alternate universe.
( although it had been entirely accidentally and completely fucked up the plan that the boys had needed her to do. she shouldn't have lied to sam and said that she'd be fine alone with lucifer but she knew that they needed as much power on their side as possible, leaving someone with her would ruin their goals. even if they'd dearly hoped that her magic would hold lucifer.
which... it probably wouldn't if he hadn't baited her into doing something reckless )
I was with you, Sam, Castiel... and Gabriel. We'd captured Lucifer to use his grace to open a portal to that universe. ( she skips saying why ) They'd intended to kill him once they were done with him.
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Gabriel. ( he listens, but bristles at the mention. ) And instead of killing him, you may have sent him to the other universe.
( he doesn't sift through the 'why' of even using Lucifer. )
Not this universe.
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The others were in that universe. I would like to say that they'd had enough time to complete their plan and come back to do that first but...
( she can't.
no, really, she wishes they had been back and had killed him so that he could stop baiting her. that would have been so nice. don't pick at trauma scabs, lucifer )
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( he tightens the grip on his glass, because it feels like she sent lucifer in after them. )
So, instead of killing him, he went in -- after them. Us. ...Them.
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He was supposed to be holding the door open so they could return without a time limit. An unlimited supply of archangel grace holding the way.
( rowena one day you might wish to tell a story properly so it doesn't sound strange. you're missing so many details )
I did what I could in keeping it that way.
( she hasn't yet figured out what to do about that problem without lucifer being there. it was too soon )
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( he promised from scratch. but this is an interesting strategy to starting over. )
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As much as I would love for Lucifer to be trapped in some apocalyptic world where he can't do damage-- ( to her. them. their world. whatever ) I wasn't intending to trap him with you.
( them. this was too messy )
It wasn't a plan, I didn't close the door and I'd rather what you'd intended to happen did happen.
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( or, is there more to the story and is this just relevant to the Lucifer parts? )
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( unfortunately that's how the story ends. she babysat lucifer, failed at that, flung him into the rift and here she is. bollocks indeed )
There are things I wish had happened differently.
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Should I be worried? About us?
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( of course. she doesn't answer immediately, drinking a little as she decides what exactly to say )
You went to that world to find your family, to bring your mum home.
( and jack. lucifer's son. but that feels dangerous to mention )
You'll have something to handle Lucifer.
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Go back to the part about our mum.
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She'd been resurrected.
( by amara. but details she's not giving just yet )
Accidentally got sent to this other universe, you'd been trying to find a way to it ever since.
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( a wave of conflicting emotions pass through him. he makes the split decision to set the glass down get to his feet. he can't do this. he thought he could, but he didn't think this would be a reverse look at your life situation. one he never got to live. his mom? mentioning mary just crosses a line. )
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( rowena interprets the emotion as him needing reassurance, of the fact that his mum had been resurrected as being a lot to handle. and really underestimating what it is that he's thinking )
You'll find her and bring her back.
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You mean that's what plays out, or...
( he turns back, finally, knowing it's all assurances but not guarantees. )
How was she resurrected?
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( because even with her fuck up that's what she believed. rowena believed in dean more than herself )
I don't think that story is one for today.
( she doesn't want to get into god and amara today. save that for a meme )
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they lost her the first time around.
he nods to himself. she's not wrong. he doesn't need to hear this. it's not for him. it's not his. he didn't get his mom back, he got the devil in his brother. )
Okay. This was - real - thanks.
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so she doesn't press it, doesn't push. and instead gives him something-- )
Before I came here I was helping Dean, Sam and Castiel. If you need something... you know where I am.
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( he doesn't know her. hasn't experienced any of it. but he needs everyone he can get, doesn't he? one more person in his pocket.
he leaves her with her two bottles of scotch, one open, with more questions he doesn't have the energy to ask.
he calls his cas, drops down on the floor of his apartment and just -- drinks. )